Hi! I recently did the DVD commentary meme, where poor souls on the internet ASK MY MY THOUGHTS about passages from stories I've written. AND THEN I RAMBLE AT THEM FOR AGES.
I'm just going to put this out there: I loved this meme to pieces, so consider this post a constant open invitation to ask me for more DVD commentary, anytime, in the comments! Maybe I'm terribly self-involved for wanting to talk about my own stories, but it really helps me get some perspective on my own writing and how things do or don't translate between my intention and my execution... it's also great to see what OTHER people took out of it. So thanks for getting me thinking :D
(The list of all of my writing is here)
Commentary on Before and After (Mikey/Gerard, NC-17, warning for incest)
pikasafire asked about this section:
"After the meet-and-greet, they're out the back door getting a moment of quiet and fresh air.
Gerard smokes a silent cigarette, tipping his head back and blowing skywards, toeing the dirty snow and gravel with his boot. Mikey taps away on his sidekick, comparing notes with Alicia on the new Simpsons movie.
He looks up after a while, sees Gerard with his back against the wall, spine straight, shoulders squared against the brick. His brother's pale face is turned up, eyes fixed on the night sky and a heavy boot braced flat on the wall, one knee bent.
"You stand different," he says suddenly, surprising himself in the quiet that had settled over them, the way that a layer of snow on the ground and stars in the sky seem to mute everything.
Gerard rolls his head to the side after a minute to look over at Mikey. There's something tired and intimate in the way he rests his cheek and forehead against the brick, strands of white hair catching on the rough surface and sticking up. He doesn't say anything, just looks.
Mikey shrugs and drops his gaze back to his sidekick. Alicia tells him she had to finish an extra-large popcorn alone without him there to man up.
"Does it bug you?" Gerard's voice is soft, most likely from screaming his lungs out on stage earlier.
Mikey shrugs again. Bugs? It occupies, more like. It occupies his mind, like he keeps thinking of things in 'Before and After' shots, making comparisons, since Gerard bleached his hair.
He's been texting Alicia about a bizarre quilt that a fan had given them the other day, but his thoughts have been occupied with how Gerard used to smoke before: with his shoulders hunched up and his head hanging low and forward, like the long weight of his hair pulled it down. His chin would be tucked to his chest so his face would be obscured by black, one hand hanging limp from his wrist at his chest, only the small of his back touching the brick. He'd be looking down at the snow but thinking about something else—about being somewhere else.
Tonight, Gerard feels totally present.
This exact section was probably the most vivid image I had in mind when I first started this story. I'm really fascinated with Gerard's body language and how contradictory it can seem at times... from fuck-the-world, chin raised, and hips cocked to hiding behind his hair, shoulders rounded.
I enjoyed working through Mikey to explore that in this story, and to come to the final realization that BOTH are Gerard, both have ALWAYS been Gerard, just to differing degrees. It's not really about the hair, but it's about Gerard navigating fame and passion and life choices and growing into more of a comfortable place with himself and his body ("being present"). In my mind, "being present" for Gerard is also about moving from the world of fantasy/imagination in his head/in his drawings to ALSO appreciating what's happening in his real life more often. On another level it's also about being sober, which forces him to deal with and experience the present... all things that I imagine Mikey would notice.
That particular image of Gerard with his face tipped against the brick, dirty snow at his feet, fixing Mikey with his gaze, was in my head for a long time. I feel like Gerard may be a talker, but often (for those of us that talk so much) our constant rambling actually demonstrates just how difficult we find silences to be. For me, showing Gerard being comfortable with silence with Mikey speaks a lot to how close they are and how much he trusts his brother.
Also: the Alicia plug was there (and in other parts of the story) because I felt uncomfortable erasing her from their lives and because I dislike stories that claim the boys are dating girls, but don't seem to include just what dating-on-tour probably means, day-to-day: updates and texts and phone calls and so on.
mrsronweasley asked about this section:
Without the keycard, he's not sure how to get into his and Gerard's room next door. But when Mikey takes one last look behind the TV set, the light from his sidekick glints off the knob of a door set in the wall—a door that must connect to his room.
Mikey slides his phone into his pocket and turns the doorknob carefully, trying not to make any noise. Eyes on his feet, Mikey slips through into the room and closes the door behind him as carefully as he can.
The lump of blankets and shock of white hair is a pretty clear indicator of which bed is taken, so Mikey is about to move over to the empty bed when the shifting of Gerard's blankets stills him. Not wanting to wake his brother up, Mikey pauses in place to wait until Gerard settles back into sleep.
But Gerard doesn't stop shifting, one leg sliding down so a black-socked foot pokes out from the bottom of the duvet before sliding back up under it again. Mikey frowns and then the blanket is drawn down slightly by the movement of his brother's legs and he sees the soft pale skin of Gerard's arms. He’s face down on the mattress with both hands tangled in the back of his own hair.
Gerard's hands shift around, pushing his hair up against the grain and back down, fingers curling into fists and releasing. Mikey is caught up thinking about that texture again, the dry-grass feel of short strands against his palm, the warm hair-product feel of Gerard's scalp under his fingertips.
Gerard makes a noise, just a "Hahh" sound that is nearly lost under the rustle of shifting blankets, but it feels like cold water down Mikey's spine. Mikey gropes behind himself for the doorknob.
Gerard's face turns to the left, eyes squeezed shut but mouth wide open, wet lips dragging down the length of his own pale upper arm, teeth grazing skin as his hands twist even tighter in his own hair. His hips are moving against the mattress and Mikey has to close his eyes.
He slips back against the wall, finally finding the doorknob and letting himself back into Frank and Ray's room as quietly as he can with his eyes still shut tight. Mikey isn't sure if that makes it better or worse. All he can see behind his eyelids is the dark shadow of his brother's mouth sliding wet and desperate against his own arm, tufts of brilliant white between thick, curling fingers.
Okay, this scene was really fucking hard to write! LOL. I had the image of Gerard, clear as day, in my head. I also had the SENSATION, from Gerard's POV, clear as day (how it feels for him, that over-sensitivity of being turned on, where you slide all over the place under the blankets because it feels so good on your skin)... but getting that down, through Mikey's POV, was hard.
I struggle a lot with "voyeur"-style scenes, because there often isn't any dialogue to break up/anchor all the narration. You HAVE to describe things but you also have to be careful not to over-describe (something I struggle a LOT with) and you have to avoid describing in a way that seems out of character for the POV, if that makes any sense... like if I'd written "Gerard was sexily grabbing his hair", or "Gerard's sculpted biceps", it would have felt weird, because these are not things I imagine his brother would think.
My biggest challenge with voyeur-style scenes: how to capture MIKEY'S physicality in the room. I re-wrote his movements so much because it felt almost cartoonish to me: slinking along the wall, groping for doorknobs, gasping in shock, slipping out again. In real life, I feel like people bark their shins on side tables or accidentally slam doors or take a piss and brush their teeth before they notice any shenanigans going on, so I struggled with that here. At least I didn't give Mikey a boner! That was something I was being very careful about: keeping the pacing of their "attraction" slow and believable, making it so his gut reaction to seeing his brother in a sexual scenario was still to feel uncomfortable. I don't know if I pulled it off or not.
I was happy with how the image of Gerard came out, though, the little details like his foot poking out. I don't know why but I LOVE the idea of his pale arm bent over his head on the pillow, opening his mouth against the soft fleshy skin of his upper arm, biting at it; to me that speaks VOLUMES more than straight-up saying "he's turned on". It's kind of desperate, and wanton, and the sort of personal thing people do when they don't think they're being watched.
It was also clearly a reference to how Gerard groped at his own hair while on stage, and a pretty significant plot point to let us know that, in the privacy of his own time, Gerard has kind of stumbled across this idea that the dye job has left his scalp sensitive and it feels kind of good. I never made it clear, but in my mind I kind of imagined that Gerard hadn't really realized this until Mikey grabbed his hair on the airplane. Here in the hotel bed is the first time he's explicitly connected the hair-grabbing to sex, which -- for Gerard, let alone for Mikey watching him -- must involve a lot of shame and guilt and fucked-up feelings because of its association with his brother. But it still feels too good to stop, and that right there is my guiltiest pleasure about waycest: SHAME GUILT SHAME but GOD IT FEELS GOOD DON'T STOP >:)
Commentary from Your Man (Mikey/Alicia, Mikey/Pete, R)
toucanpie asked about this section:
Mikey settles his gaze out the window. "There's stuff. I'm dealing with some shit right now, I guess. Whatever." Alicia thinks about conversations she overhears between My Chem's techs, thinks about days when Mikey seems to disappear into himself, no texts or smiles, and his brother’s eyebrows draw together in worry. Alicia has to remind herself that knowing the feeling of Mikey's narrow hips in her hands doesn't mean she knows him yet. "I'm not trying to, like, unload. Or channel,” Mikey explains, “I just feel like I need, um."
I love all of the MCR couples and their wives SO MUCH and want to read about all of the domestic bliss ever. But I'm also really fascinated by long-term couples, when they just started dating... how they navigated it, how they didn't KNOW they were going to marry each other one day, how they were starting to see something really fucking special in each other but didn't know each other well enough to know how to interact or communicate perfectly.
So this story pretty much stems from Alicia being in that position: she and Mikey are casual, just seeing where things go... WE know they go on to get married but they don't at the time, and she's new to Mikey Way so she doesn't get his nonverbal communication that well. And thus her confusion about why they aren't having sex. And here, in this safe, dark, middle-of-the-night space that they've created, with both Pete and Alicia waiting for Mikey to explain, he finally admits why he's been kind of hesitant with Alicia... in my mind, he knows that he wants her to take charge in a way that he used to do with Pete, but he doesn't know how to ask for it, because he and Pete communicate so differently with people.
There's also his fear that he doesn't know Alicia THAT well yet, it might seem kind of embarrassing (and risky) to ask a chick to take control of him like that. I like what it implies, though: that Mikey knows himself well enough to KNOW that submission is something he does want/need in his life right now.... to me, this is something I love about Mikey (or my impression of him): that he's easy-going and light-hearted but he's more thoughtful than people give him credit for. I also liked the implication that he trusts Alicia enough to finally ask for it.
This also reminds me that I NEED TO WRITE SOME PORN FOR THIS STORY. Uggggh. I just struggle with writing Alicia when I know so little about her!
Commentary on Backseat (Gerard/Mikey/Frank, R, warning for incest)
ina_pok asked about this section:
"End of the fucking world," Gerard says, breathing in steam from the cup held close to his chest. Mikey thinks it looks like it from here: colourless gray sky, dead grass and frozen mud, patchy snow, trucks passing like a river of noise and metal and wheels.
Frank gets cold in just his hoodie and likes to tuck his hands into Mikey's armpit, coffee clenched between his thighs. Gerard watches from Mikey's other side as Frank turns in, presses his nose like an icy point against Mikey's exposed neck. His hair smells like cigarettes and the wax he uses on his dreads.
"Warm me up, Mikey Way," Frank says and Mikey obliges, puts his arm around Frank's shoulders as he looks out at the flat, ugly buildings around the lot, one-stories with no windows and empty parking lots. Frank pushes his face in further, opens his mouth and breathes hot against Mikey's skin. "We're the only ones who aren't drones," he mumbles and it makes Mikey shiver when he feels the wet of Frank's tongue. His fingers get cold where they're bare, wrapped around Frank's shoulder.
When Frank kisses behind Mikey's ear, it makes him suck in a breath, cold air burning his lungs as his fingers tighten. Gerard laughs and reaches across Mikey's lap to rescue Frank's coffee before he spills it from leaning too far over. Gerard puts it down carefully on the platform behind them before finishing his own and crumpling it, dropping it to the ground below their hanging legs.
"We'd never be drones," Gerard says before he lets his head fall to Mikey's other shoulder. He smells like home and when he kisses Mikey's pulse, it speeds up. Mikey can feel Frank smile, sees him reach across to work his bare fingers in between Gerard's thighs. Gerard's lips are dry and coffee-warm, his hand curving in the lapel of Mikey's jacket as he noses up behind Mikey's ear into his hair. He presses kisses into his scalp, along the shell of Mikey's ear. Mikey's eyes fall shut and he's so cold and so hot at the same time.
Awesome choice, this was SUCH a fun and atmospheric passage to write; I had this image in my mind SO clearly, and enjoyed finding a way to capture it.
Jersey is not my home climate, but I spent a good chunk of my life in a very similar sort of place. I was really amazed by the very unique feeling that comes from that landscape in the wintertime: concrete parking lots, industrial buildings devoid of greenery or people, massive highways with a constant stream of cars, piles of dirty snow, and months of cold grey skies and weather that keeps you indoors or running between buildings and idling cars. It's a desolate sort of feeling, to me, but people I met who were from that area just felt like it was part of home... I enjoyed trying to channel that feeling for Frank, Mikey and Gerard, while still acknowledging that it's a regular part of their lives, that they grew up with winters like that.
I also had fun in this scene because I wanted this story to have an established three-way relationship going on among these boys, but I didn't want that to be the focus of the entire story, I wanted it to be something that just was a part of their lives; that making out was just as important to them as coffee and mix tapes and driving around shooting the shit.
I know a lot of fanfic (mine included) has a tendency to work in a linear sort of way where the whole story is constructed so that we can reach the end point: THE SEX! And even though this story also ends with orgasms, I wanted to find a way to work the sex into their lives in a way that felt kind of natural to them.
I don't know if I succeeded, it could have used more work, but I liked the idea of the reader learning about it through the simple act of Frank getting warm and kind of teasingly licking Mikey, just sending that signal out that he's game, if Mikey's game, and how Gerard very fluidly joins them. They all just sort of communicate non-verbally, because they're so familiar with each other.
I could write THOUSANDS OF WORDS of what it feels like for Mikey to have Frank and his brother kissing his neck at the same time, of how sexy it must feel, especially when he doesn't have the best self-confidence, to have two people giving him their attention like this. They already feel like they live in a different world from everyone else, how they kind of turn it around to look down on the people in the mall, how it makes the three of them feel like it's just them against the world, and how that brings them together.
It was so interesting to revisit this story... the song that I wrote the story from really really shaped it, to me, it already had that FEELING I wanted to capture, so it was fun to try and get that feeling into words.
Commentary on Drag Like Sandpaper (Gerard/Mikey, NC-17, warning for incest)
toucanpie asked about this section:
Mikey hums his agreement, a vibration against Gerard's hands, and almost in response he skirts his fingers down Mikey's neck, the hard ridges of his trachea.
"You're kinda prickly here too, y'know," Gerard says, and looks up, but Mikey's eyes are still on the ceiling and it feels suddenly awkward; it's the middle of the night and he's feeling up his brother's face. He huffs a soft laugh and lets his hands drop. "Sorry. Guess I don't have any of my own to feel."
For me, this was the moment when things shifted a little in the bathroom between them; I think Mikey has been having ~feelings about Gerard for a little while, but not strongly enough he'd ever act on it or anything. But you can see it in the way he tips his gaze to the ceiling and holds his hands at his sides when Gerard touches his face and gets all up in his space; Mikey's trying to act normal and not think about it.
That moment when Gerard's feeling his face -- clearly so comfortable in Mikey's personal space, touching his body -- and suddenly feels kind of awkward, is when (in MY mind at least) the seed kind of gets planted for Gerard. Not a seed so strong that Gerard goes running for the hills in fear or has to go jerk off or anything, but just gets him THINKING... thinking that maybe not all brothers touch each other like this. I was also trying to build things up a bit, so later when Gerard encounters Mikey's hard-on it shows the build-up from Mikey's perspective, how all of the tense, gentle touching has been both so hot and so difficult for him -- but he can't SAY anything, and he's so ASHAMED. Ugh, I love working with shame in waycest.
cold_clarity asked about this section:
“Not much of a fucking adult,” Gerard says a bit hysterically, thinking about his birthday. This is nothing he could have ever, ever imagined—nothing he could have even known he wanted this badly.
I enjoyed playing with age/maturity in this story... how Gerard may be older but he struggles with the fact that his younger brother hits the "adult" milestones first, like needing to shave or buying alcohol. For me, this was intriguing because we ALL know what that's like, to feel like (as teenagers) there's something different about us, that we're not growing up in the same way people on TV seem to, and it's awkward and makes us feel silly and embarrassed and alone. But for Mikey, those same things that Gerard wishes he had are things Mikey wishes HE didn't have -- another thing that I like exploring about adolescence: it's not necessarily easy for the people that we think have it easy. And so, in each other, Mikey and Gerard find a bit of comfort in knowing that neither of them have it easy and neither of them are alone.
In other ways, I felt like it was clear that Gerard WAS older; in the way he takes over the shaving, yes, but especially in the image of Mikey, hard and embarrassed in his boxers, standing against the wall, and Gerard being the "mature" one to step back. And how Mikey jerks himself off in front of Gerard, in that sort of impulsive and brave way that I associate with being younger and more desperate, of having less defined "lines" -- I imagine, in this story, that the taboo of incest feels stronger for Gerard in part because he's older and worries more about these kinds of things, or at least feels this social pressure that he's supposed to be more responsible than Mikey (and even responsible FOR Mikey, as the older brother). So - for me - it's that much heavier and hotter when he gives in to it.
Commentary on Sit Tight (Frank/Mikey/Gerard, NC-17, warning for incest)
turlough asked about this section:
“Nice tits,” Frank says, pushing Gerard’s knees apart with his legs, “they look like they need to get fucked.”
Mikey snorts at the line, expects Gerard to bitch at them for saying ‘tits’ so much, but his brother is quiet and still, chest rising and falling, looking up at Frank. They’re all silent for a moment and Frank’s face, intent and predatory, reminds Mikey of that night, the way he crowded that girl and held her down.
“Fuck,” Frank says suddenly, grinning and slapping Gerard lightly on the cheek. Mikey feels his brother’s body jolt. Frank looks up and meets his eyes. “He is so ready for me to whip my dick out right now.”
“What?” Gerard says after a beat, struggling, and Mikey laughs, pulling him back up the bed a bit, not letting go.
“He wouldn’t stop asking about it,” Mikey confides. Gerard tries to turn his head to look at him but Mikey’s got his wrists still pinned so his face just ends up in Mikey’s neck.
“No shit.” Frank laughs and props first one knee then the other on the bed on either side of Gerard. “Can’t blame him.”
“Hey! It wasn’t like—I just didn’t believe you, okay?” Gerard says, and bucks his hips to get Frank off but Frank’s face just slides into this slow grin, eyes hooded, as he plants a hand on each of Gerard’s shoulders.
“Careful,” he says, leaning in and whispering in Gerard’s ear. “I might get the wrong idea.” He presses his own hips down, and Mikey’s laugh dies in his throat when Frank’s eyes meet his over Gerard’s shoulder, the way Frank’s jaw locks for the briefest second and his eyelids droop a bit. Fuck, fuck. Just like his face that night, sitting on the couch, watching that girl suck Mikey’s dick.
“Frank,” Mikey warns, meeting his gaze. He squeezes Gerard’s wrists almost without realizing, his thighs tensing.
“What?” Frank’s expression slides back from aroused to cocky, but he lets Mikey see it, like why can’t we? Frank’s cheeks are pink.
“I still can’t move,” Gerard reminds them, body slack against Mikey’s chest but his breathing heavy.
“Come on, Mikes,” Frank says, ignoring him. He sits up, one hand still on Gerard’s shoulder, carding his other fingers through Gerard’s hair. His knuckles bump against Mikey’s Adam’s apple and press in. “We make a good team, remember?”
Mikey gives Frank the hardest look he can, like This isn’t the same and It’s different for Gerard and Maybe this isn’t the kind of thing my brother and I usually do together. Frank smiles back, closed-lipped and confident, as he leans down and presses a kiss to Gerard’s forehead. Gerard sucks in a loud breath and Mikey realizes Frank’s hand has left his brother’s shoulder and is now somewhere down between their bodies.
“Fuck,” Frank mumbles against Gerard’s forehead, eyes closed and breathing hard.
“I don’t—” Gerard says weakly, and Mikey’s body flashes hot from head to toe at the tone, something he doesn’t hear from his brother. Ever.
Oooh, okay! This was FUN to write. I hammered this story out in an afternoon and didn't get it beta-read (I was in a hurry to meet the challenge deadline), so when I re-read it now I see so many "mistakes" and I think the execution of the porn is a little clunky. It was a challenge to write how the three of them were situated/moving on the bed without it getting confusing, plus the premise is kind of a bit far-fetched... but it was FUN, and I tried experimenting more with dialogue and I was pretty happy with that part, so I'm glad I wrote it and I enjoy re-reading it :)
This particular section was great because I love love LOVE to write and read that feeling that Mikey gets in that last line you quoted... when suddenly things ratchet from normal (or even joking) to sexual and it's kind of overwhelming. Even if you physically haven't been touched, it's the IDEA that something non-sexual could be sexual, that it makes your body react... how just the knowledge that Frank is touching his brother's dick, that Mikey is THERE for it, makes Mikey's body buzz.
That buzz, too, is an interesting feeling to explore: it's kind of like nervous excitement, and it isn't necessarily AROUSAL right away, but it turns into it, the way things always are when you know that you SHOULDN'T be turned on by something but you end up realizing you are anyway. It's something I especially associate with our first time encountering a kink we didn't realize we might be into, that feeling of "why am I biting my lip/shaking/sweating and unable to tear my eyes away from this?" that gradually slips into "oh fuck, it's because I think this is SO HOT, but shit, I never thought I'd be into something like this, but I AM".... a shame/arousal kind of thing going on. And I find that SUPER hot.
I really liked this section too for how it takes Gerard and Frank to pieces, how it strips both of them of any power/control. With Frank so obnoxious and teasing, clearly with the upper hand, and Gerard being kind of eye-rolling and grumpy about it... something shifts and Frank has his jaw locked, eyes drooping, he's a bit surprised that he's turned on by this, it takes him down a few pegs, he loses control of the situation a bit... and how Gerard goes from bitching and wriggling to gasping and stuttering weakly, also surprised by how good it feels.
In my mind, Gerard's been having confused thoughts about Frank all night, since Mikey told the story about Fun Dips -- mostly because Gerard was so sure that he had Frank figured out, and now there's this side of him that Gerard is intrigued by, this side of him that takes control during sex, and so when Frank does just that to Gerard, taking control, palming his dick over his pants, it must feel SO intense for Gerard.
I also had fun with this because it's one of those situations that I enjoy in fanfic: where the gay shenanigans start without a clear culprit. No one has been secretly pining for anyone else, no one came to the situation INTENDING to put the moves on the other, but it happens sort of accidentally... sure, Frank MEANT to touch Gerard's dick, but he was probably expecting Gerard to push him away or make a joke, so I liked playing it out that even though Frank may be "in charge", really NO ONE is, and they're all a bit surprised by the fact that they're into it, that they're all turned on.
I liked doing it through Mikey's POV, too, so we don't actually SEE Frank touching Gerard's dick, and we don't get to see what it feels like from either of their perspectives... it gives the kind of distance that makes the incest issue a little less extreme, for Mikey's conscience, and I think makes it hot in a voyeuristic sort of way. I also love love LOVE the idea of Mikey hearing a tone of voice from his brother that he never hears, and that it simultaneously makes Mikey embarrassed/ashamed and turned on, unnnnnnf.
Commentary on To Feel So Bright (Frank/Gerard, NC-17)
ciel_vert asked about this section:
“What.” Gerard grins and places a kiss on Frank’s thigh, still meeting his eyes and acting like Frank’s cock, dark and hard, isn’t all up in his face. Gerard’s hands are gripping Frank’s upper thighs, fingertips digging into his skin.
Frank shakes his head, hair falling into his face. “Nothing.” He bites his lip. “L.A. made you kinda slutty, huh?”
“Fuck off,” Gerard says, squeezing Frank’s thighs hard enough to bruise and grinning up at him. “I can go suck someone else’s dick, okay?”
“See?” Frank giggles again. “Slutty!” They both laugh and it feels safe and comfortable even though Frank’s dick is waving back and forth when he moves and his thighs are really pale against the darker skin of Gerard’s hands.
“Ungrateful bitch,” Gerard mumbles, but he leans in to nose at the underside of Frank’s dick and Frank moans even though it barely feels like anything. Gerard makes a fist and runs one broad thumb lightly down the side of Frank’s cock to the base, breathing hot and hunching his shoulders a bit. “Oh—shit. Yeah,” Frank breathes, and then Gerard’s ducking his head, lips over his teeth like a pro, and sliding his mouth down over Frank’s dick. “Fuuuuck.”
Gerard stays like that for a moment. Frank can feel his tongue flat against the underside, can feel Gerard starting to suck a bit. His mouth is hot and wet and so fucking good.
Frank can’t help his hands carding through Gerard’s hair, rubbing at his scalp encouragingly when Gerard hums at him, a vibration that makes Frank moan and tip his head back against the mirror, eyes falling shut.
“Can you deep throat that shit?” Frank asks without thinking, challenge in his voice, slipping into the language he’s used to with J. Gerard just goes for it though and Frank spreads his palms, feels Gerard’s jaw open under his fingertips. Frank’s chin is on his chest, rising and falling with heavy breaths while he watches those freckled, pale shoulders hunch as Gerard takes him in.
“Shit,” Frank mutters and thrusts forward a bit. It makes Gerard gag but he doesn’t pull off, just eases back before swallowing wetly around Frank’s dick and pushing down again. Frank can feel the head of his cock bump the back of Gerard’s throat, constricting around Frank as he swallows and god, Frank’s sweating so hard in this fucking leather vest that he’s going to smell like the change room too by the time they make it back to the diner.
This was fun to write... and different, for me. I write a lot of first-times, usually tied up in some kind of internal conflict or taboo or shame. So this was a different kind of world: sex that's motivated by and underwritten with happiness and a kind of joyous disbelief! I liked playing with that -- how Frank is kind of overcome, giggling, by the sheer fact of what they're doing, FINALLY, now, compounded by the significance of what they're filming in the desert, and babies, and the finished album... and how Gerard is kind of falling all over himself to make Frank feel good, how he can't keep his hands to himself when he sees Frank in the outfit, how he gets on his knees for Frank so quickly.
This section here was fun to write for showing that from Frank's perspective, the imagery of Gerard giving himself over. And of course, from Frank, that observation would be coupled with teasing Gerard about it. I really wanted to keep their comfortable banter and friendship-dialogue going through the sex, because a) I feel like they wouldn't be capable of "switching it off" (most people don't automatically turn into dirty-talking porn stars when they have sex) and b) I think they might even intentionally use that familiar dialogue as a way of grounding themselves, during something so new and boundary-pushing in their relationship, to the familiar ways they make fun of each other (and bicker about L.A.) and interact.
I really REALLY like the idea of Frank accidentally using his "lines" from the bedroom with Jamia here; how couples who have been together for so long have certain phrases that they use, that they know get each other off and so become second nature... so to have that bleed over into this moment, was hot to me. I wasn't sure about including it because it's tricky to do it without discounting Jamia, to still respect that she means the world to Frank. But this is something I toss around a lot in my head, and would love to write more of.
♥ Thanks for playing with me!